Weyoun's Chatroom
by 1SuperKawaii
Summary: Weyoun9 is activated and wants to chat with his old DS9 friends. Comedy. No nontv show parings mentioned. Oneshot for now. Possible continuations.


A little comedy for you and an exercise for me. My challenge, to write a comedy in one hour to lighten my mood freeing me from my way too serious novel. Enjoy.

Weyoun 9 had just been activated and was enthusiastic about talking to all of his old friends in the Alpha Quadrant. But everyone was so far away, how sad, and it's always too hard to get everyone together for a videochat. So he thought and thought until his thinker was thought out. Then he came up with a plan.

It was a good thing he knew his way around the computers, a little hacking goes a long way.

SadandCloneley9: Hello my dearest old friends. It's been too long and it's a day to celebrate as it is my activation day.

ConstableChange1: Who is this? What is going on here? This is a secure channel.

SonofMogh: What is this distraction? I will kill you.

DesertedDr.: Well I've got all the time in the world while these specimens incubate.

Ilovelatinum: This better not be costing me anything!

SadandCloneley9: I just wanted to welcome everyone to my chat room. I'm so happy to be back. I just know we'll be the best of friends.

ConstableChange: Weyoun, what purpose does this serve?

SonofMogh: I agree this is a pointless activity. Time would be better spent training.

DesertedDr.: Hey anyone want to have a drink?

SonofMogh: You were less annoying when you had O'Brien or that taylor to distract you.

DesertedDr.: We can't all be so boring and stuffy.

SonofMogh: Say that to my face.

DesertedDr.: Gladly.

SonofMogh: You will meet me Holosuite 2 in one hour where I will teach you respect.

DesertedDr.: Finally something to do.

SadandCloneley9: Now, now gentlemen. I just want to get to know everyone better. I'm sure if we could all just share some discourse, relations between the Federation and Dominion would improve.

ConstableChange1: What are you up to?

SadandCloneley9: I'm saddened that you would ask such a thing. I'm not up to a thing Founder, I live to serve you, and I could never lie to you.

ConstableChange1: That's what you say and would you for the love of the Prophets quit calling me Founder.

SadandCloneley9: As you wish Founder.

Ilovelatinum: I would like to announce that there is a two for one special on blood wine, there will be a bit of entertainment in an hour. A match between two Starfleet officers and did I mention it's completely free? Except for a small viewing fee. Oh and if the Doctor wins a round of drinks are on the house. Bets are open.

DaxE: Oh twenty bars of latinum on Worf

DesertedDr.: Ezri!

DaxE: Sorry Jullian but I've been around long enough to know a sure thing when I see it.

SonofMogh: She is wise.

DesertedDr.: That's it let's make it a half hour.

Ilovelatinum: Please gentlemen, just give me a few more minutes to prepare the Holosuite, and take a few more bets.

FCAbrunt: Your being audited this week Quark. You better declare tonight's winnings.

Ilovelatinum: Why are you always picking on me?

FCAbrunt: You remember what you did to me when we were kids, I know you remember.

Ilovelatinum: Such a small thing, forgive and forget that's what I always say.

FCAbrunt: That toe never did grow back. When I get through with you Quark, you're going to be begging on the streets and no one will so much as give you a slither of latinum.

NegusRom: There will be no auditing of my brother.

FCAbrunt: This job isn't fun anymore.

Ilovelatinum: Bless you Rom. I mean Grand Negus Rom.

NegusRom: Anytime brother.

ConstableChange1: Gambling was outlawed on the station, remember Quark?

Ilovelatinum: A Ferengi can't catch a break. I don't know what your talking about Odo.

ConstableChange1: I'm watching you.

Ilovelatinum: From where? Are you this chair?

ConstableChange1: What sense does that make?

Ilovelatinum: It was a joke.

ConstableChange1: humm!

SadandCloneley9: You know Brunt. Can I call you Brunt? I couldn't help but read that unfortunate exchange between you and your cousin. We could use a man like you in the Dominion. You know I don't know why but something tells me we have a lot in common.

FCAbrunt: I've been thinking about a career change. So what does the esteemed Dominion have to offer?

SadandCloneley9: Service to the Founders is a reward in itself.

FCAbrunt: That's it?

SadandCloneley9: Well you are of course entitled to anything left behind by someone fleeing their planet, or may have met with an unfortunate end.

FCAbrunt: I'm listening.

SadandCloneley9: You would be surprised at the stockpiles of valuables we find after an air raid especially at places of commerce.

FCAbrunt: I'll send you my resume.

SadandCloneley9: Excellent! Now aren't we all getting along so nicely? Who else would like a job with the Dominion?

ConstableChange1: I'm banning Dominion recruiting in this quadrant. You will not try to recruit anyone one else, Weyoun.

SadandCloneley9: Me recruiting? Never. So what was that little spat about, the one between the good Dr. and that Klingon?

NegusRom: Females. Hehehe.

Ilovelatinum: Yep everything bad that has ever happened in this galaxy is because of females.

SadandCloneley9: Really? I beg to differ, but please do go on.

ConstableChange1: Tell me about it. One minute they're happy the next minute your locking some innocent guy up to keep them happy. I can't say I'm guilt free but I can't believe the things you solids do to impress women.

DesertedDr.: I once left Earth and followed a girl to a remote outpost, which ended up being in the center of a huge war.

NegusRom: You're still here?

SadandCloneley9: So what happened.

DesertedDr.: She married someone else.

NegusRom: I sold myself into servitude for Nog's mother. I shouldn't have broken the contract.

Ilovelatinum: Bad news every last one of them. I'm not even going to go into my dealings with females.

SadandCloneley9: Clones aren't encouraged to mate.

NegusRom: No mating! What's the point of living?

SadandCloneley9: We have our duty to the Founders. Occasionally one of my kind will deviate however I haven't found the time, but I seem to have a lot more leisure time then before.

Ilovelatinum: Do yourself a favor and stay away from females you can't extort favors out of.

ConstableChange1: Quark we talked about fair treatment.

Ilovelatinum: But you agree with me.

ConstableChange1: That's besides the point.

DaxE: I disagree. While some of my previous hosts would agree with these misogynists, I think a healthy relationship can be very fulfilling.

SadandCloneley9: Is that an offer?

DaxE: No it wasn't.

SadandCloneley9: Getting one of these females seems to be complicated.

Ilovelatinum: That depends. On my home world we buy one.

NegusRom: I don't suggest doing that. Leeta and I have been very happy and we just sort of fell in love.

Ilovelatinum: Oh spare me you're romantic notions. Just be careful of those Orion slave girls. Great for a fun time until they have you in their grasp.

DaxE: It's not that complicated. Just find one and ask her out.

Ilovelatinum: It's way more complicated then that.

DaxE: No it's not and buy her something nice.

Ilovelatinum: Spend my hard earned cash, that's all you females are after.

DaxE: Quark you're an idiot. Don't listen to him.

SadandCloneley9: I could possibly make my own female.

Ilovelatinum: Now that's sounds like a great way to save latinum.

Negus Rom: Can you do that?

SadandCloneley9: It shouldn't be difficult.

DaxE: You should just let nature take its course. I'm sure one you'll find interesting will turn up.

SadandCloneley9: I do so like a challenge.

DaxE: You have to get out there and meet people.

SadandCloneley9: Where is a good place to start?

SonofMogh: Minsk!

DaxE: Anywhere is a good place.

SadandCloneley9: I could use a hobby. Alright I'll go in search of a female for companionship and mating.

DaxE: Good for you

ConstableChange1: The Prophets help us!


End file.
